These tacos are making me pukey

27 Feb

Today, it is Friday. Today, we are blessed with a guest post by none other than @DennisF

I don’t have a lot of rules in life, but the ones I have are set in stone. Most of them were codified during the Millard Fillmore administration and, generally speaking, they have nothing to do with food. (I have many rules about drinking, but that’s a whole other thing.) But one of the food commandments reads thusly: Thou shalt not eat seafood unless thou art within sight of the sea.


I’ve spent more than my fair share of time in Las Vegas over the years, and have been lucky enough to defile some of the nicest restaurants in that city. One of the things I’ve noticed during these trips is that people who don’t regularly have access to seafood will lose their shit and order oysters or shrimp cocktail or, God help them, sushi. In the middle of the desert.

The DESERT, people. The desert.

The only fish that should be in the desert are the ones bellying up to poker tables at the Mirage.

Now, I’m well aware of the fact that Vegas restaurants fly their seafood in from the west coast every day and it’s allegedly super fresh and all that. But guess what: I’m from the east coast, busters. I can get fresher seafood than that by walking 500 yards to my town beach. GTFO with your “We fly this in daily from Pickachu Island” bullshit. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

I also have zero time for upper GI distress and spending three hours in the bathroom on my flight home from Vegas. Which may or may not have happened. (Apologies, United 1651.)

So here’s the thing kids: Unless you can smell the salt air, order something that moos or quacks. And if the waitron tells you it was flown in that day and it’s the freshest seafood in the city, nod politely and order a salad.

Trust me.

For more awesome by Dennis see the following:

Eat It

Terrible Tuesdays: Mayonnaise

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