this has nothing to do with food…

4 Apr

but i thought you Bahstonians would like it… and i’m not sure where it came from (i received it via email)

The geographical center of Boston is in Roxbury. Due north of the center we find the South End.

This is not to be confused with South Boston which lies directly east from the South End.

North of the South End is East Boston and southwest of East Boston is the North End.

Harvard Bridge

The bridge connecting Boston and Cambridge via Massachusetts Avenue is commonly known

as the Harvard Bridge. When it was built, the state offered to name the bridge for the Cambridge

school that could present the best claim for the honor. Harvard submitted an essay detailing its

contributions to education in America, concluding that it deserved the honor of having a bridge

leading into Cambridge named for the institution. MIT did a structural analysis of the bridge and

found it so full of defects that they agreed that it should be named for Harvard.

This is all true

Information on Boston and the Surrounding Areas:

There is no school on School Street, no court on Court Street, no dock on Dock Square, and no

water on Water Street. Back Bay Boston streets are in alphabetical awddah: Arlington , Berkeley,

Clarendon, Dartmouth, etc. So are South Boston streets: A, B, C, D, etc. If the streets are named

after trees (e.g Walnut, Chestnut, Cedar), you are on Beacon Hill. If they are named after poets, you are in Wellesley.

Massachusetts Avenue is Mass Ave. Commonwealth Avenue is Comm Ave.

South Boston is Southie. The South End is the South End. East Boston

is Eastie. The North End is east of the former West End. The West End

and Scully Square are no more; a guy named Rappaport got rid of

them one night. Roxbury is The Burree, Jamaica Plain is J.P.

How to say these Massachusetts city names correctly (Say it wrong and be shunned).

Worcester : Wuhsta (or Wistah)

Gloucester : Glawsta

Leicester: Lesta

Woburn: Woobun

Dedham : Dead-um

Revere: Re -vee-ah

Quincy: Quinzee

Tewksbury : Tooks ber ry

Leominster : Le-min-sta

Peabody: Pee-ba-dee

Waltham : Walth-ham

Chatham: Chaddum

Samoset: Sam-oh-set or Sum-aw-set, but nevah Summerset!

Definitions:

Frappes are made with ice cream; milkshakes are not.

If it is carbonated and flavored, it is tonic.

Soda means CLUB SODA.

Pop refers to DAD.

When we want Tonic WATER, we will ask for TONIC WATER.

The smallest beer is a pint.

Scrod is whatever they tell you it is, usually fish.

If you paid more than $7/pound, you got scrod.

It is not a water fountain; it is a bubblah.

It is not a trashcan; it is a barrel.

It is not a spucky, a hero, or a grinder; it is a sub.

It is not a shopping caht; it is a carriage.

It is not a purse; it is a pockabook.

They are not franks; they are haht dahgs; franks are money used in Switzahland.

Police do not drive patrol units or black and whites; they drive a crewza. If you take the bus,

you’re on the looza crooza. It is not a rubber band; it is an elastic. It is not a traffic circle, it is a rotary.

“Going to the islands” means going to Martha’s Vineyard or Nantucket.

The Sox = The Red Sox

The Cs = The Celtics

The Bs = The Bruins

The Pats =The Patriots

Things not to do:

Do not pahk your cah in Hahvid Yahd. They will tow it to Meffa (Medford ) or Summahville (Somerville) .

Do not sleep on the Common. (Boston Common)

Do not wear orange in Southie on St. Patrick’s Day.

Things you should know:

There are two State Houses, two City Halls, two courthouses, and two Hancock buildings (one is very old;

one is relatively new).

The colored lights on top the old Hancock tell the weatha:

“Solid blue, clear view.”

“Flashing blue, clouds due.”

“Solid red, rain ahead.”

“Flashing red, snow instead.” (except in summer, flashing red means the Red Sox game was rained out!)

Most people live here all their life and still do not know what the hell is going on with this one:

Route 128 South is I-95 south. It is also I-93 north.

The underground train is not a subway. It is the T, and it does not run all night (fah chrysakes,

this ain’t Noo Yawk).

Order the cold tea in China Town after 2:00 am; you will get a kettle full of beer.

AND FINALLY…

Bostonians: think that it is their God-given right to cut off someone in traffic.

Bostonians: think that there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no Rs, except in idear.

Bostonians: think that three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.

Bostonians: refer to six inches of snow as a dusting.

Bostonians: always bang a left as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it..

Bostonians: believe that using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.

Bostonians: think that 63 degree ocean water is warm.

Bostonians: think Rhode Island accents are annoying.

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2 Responses to “this has nothing to do with food…”

  1. Karen Magno April 5, 2011 at 2:10 pm #

    Thanks for a great article. I lived in the Boston area up until about 4 years ago and now I live in New Hampshire. I really miss Boston!

  2. kteb April 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm #

    you’re welcome. like i said, i had to share. it was too good to just sit in my inbox and only soak up my laughter. it needed to see others’ laughter.

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